Is it Better to Give Attention or Receive Attention?

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Is it Better to Give Attention or Receive Attention?

If you ever found yourself liking someone then the chances that you’ve disclosed this to them in some way or another is incredibly high (it just depends if they noticed it). Your approach to this may have been rather subtle or it may have been completely obvious, however, the truth is you have communicated this to them at some point.

That’s because when you’re attracted to someone a subconscious pattern starts to run in the background of your mind. This pattern is to help you in making sure that the receiver is aware that you feel this way about them. The pattern we are talking about is ridiculously simple and that is, you give the person you like attention and that person receives your attention regardless of if they want it or not.

This pattern is seen either at work, in the classroom, or anywhere with gatherings of 2 or more people and if there is an attraction between any 2 people, then this communication is always being expressed. It can be seen as quick glances, going out of the way to be in the presence of someone they admire or finding a reason to talk with the other person they like.

looking at this on a larger scale

for example, a movie star in a room full of fans. It won’t be long till we see this pattern of giving attention and receiving attention start to take place. As the star just simply has to be present the individuals will go from looking in the direction of the star to placing themselves within the star’s vicinity. The fans will voluntarily start to give the star attention.

At this point, excitement may erupt with people wanting to stand out from the rest by yelling the star’s name or reaching out to touch them. And it’s here that we see a “pick me” attitude sweep the room.

Now going back to attaining attention for attraction

in a courtship-type manner, (try saying that 10 times fast) this is one of the basic no-nos when actually trying to pursue someone romantically. Because showing attraction this way is an attempt to seek attention back and this is where unintentional repulsion can start to accrue.

If we break it down, we need to look at what it was that the attention-getter did in order for you to give them attention. In the vast majority of cases, they did absolutely nothing. The only thing they most likely did was just to be themselves, and for that, they receive your attention.

On the flip side

In order for you to receive their attention, you make yourself visible, stand within their proximity and give off nonverbal indicators that you want something to happen. So pretty much like a subconscious invite to approach. This scenario plays out in movies all the time, where the guy lusts over a girl only to be put in a situation where he makes an opportunity to talk to her either through confidence in starting or shyness by subconsciously inviting. Only in movies, this strategy seems to work flawlessly most of the time.

The ugly truth is, by creating opportunities like this in an attempt to seek attention on yourself you are in fact creating a sense of insecurity and neediness upon yourself. Insecurity, because you won’t make a bold enough move to spark communications which relays to the receiver that you lack confidence. And neediness, because you’re most likely trying to offer an approach invite which has you needing them to make a move first and start something with you.

Unfortunately, thanks to TV, movies and social conditioning this “pick me” attitude is a standard and is seen as the one and only way to harness attention from those we want in our lives.

So what is there to do to counteract this?

The cure is simple in its instruction but hard to actually implement. Because It all comes down to knowing your worth. Understanding the impact you can bring to another person. If you read that and you’re thinking “I’m not sure what I can bring? I can bring love” well, so can the 10 others standing on the wayside, which brings me to the next point, and that is to be unique in your own way. Chances are, you like that person because they have something unique about them that makes them different from the rest. If that’s true, then there are ways to find that uniqueness about you (which I may make another blog on in the future).

If you’re looking at a piece of art the reality is that the art simply exists and the art does not look back at you.

Therefore just like art, not everyone likes the same art you do. So next time you feel that you are giving your attention away as a trade for the person you into to reciprocate, think would the artwork look at me? Become the piece of art that gets attention and limit who gets yours.